I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
