First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My cat gives me a boner
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
