found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
