Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
