Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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