you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
