The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
