I'm laying in your front yard are you home
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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