Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
