Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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