saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
