Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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