Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
