Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
