Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
