Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I cannot find my penis.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
