I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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