do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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