there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
