Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
