question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
