I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
