New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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