dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
