Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ambien. No doubt about it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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