Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
