FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
