So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
