i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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