we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
