I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
