I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
