Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
