I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
