i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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