just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
