dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
