So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
