Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
