there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
