yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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