I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize
