this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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