take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Randomize
