ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
