Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
