I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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