Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
