So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
