Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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