I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
birth control should be required to get into college
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
