Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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