lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
