hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
