guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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