So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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