the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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