somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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